The Lamentable Comedy of Sokka's Kiss of DOOM
by Avatar Momo
Summary: Sokka has a problem: his past three girlfriends have died a unfortunate death after he kissed them! Mostly of being in the wrong place at the right time, though. Toph is the terrified last one standing, and needs advice! Tokka, Kataang. Chapter 3 is up!
1. Chapter 1

Hi guys! This is a fic that I came up with a while ago, before the finale. Before the invasion, for that matter. I came up with the idea while I was bored, waiting for Book 3 to come out.

This is a purely made up fic, and I acknowledge that the Ty Lokka was weird. _BUT IT'S FUNNY!_

Disclaimer: If I owned Avatar, which I don't, I would have made Aang and Katara get together when they first met. But NOOOO! Bryke HAS to make it happen in the last episode!

-...oooooOOOOO00000OOOOOooooo...-

The kiss of death. I'd never thought I'd see it. The kiss of unfortunate bad luck, maybe, but the death part was one thing one could simply not overlook!

Yue was the first. Sokka had never dreamed of someone more beautiful, more caring. The actual kiss occured, but I did not see it. I could imagine it very clearly, though. Their faces shining in the moonlight; Sokka's worried, disappointed, and sad, hers tear-streaked and divine. I could see her embarassment at admitting she wanted Sokka more than her betrothed, and Sokka's pleasure and sadness at the same time. They knew they couldn't be together.

So they shared a kiss, one of passion, sorrow, and love, not wanting the other to leave. Yue, of course, being the more noble, steps away and runs off. I could imagine it with sharp recollection, even though I had never truly witnessed it.

Her sacrifice made me horror-struck and have a pang of sorrow in the pit of my stomach; she was like a sister to me, her being the moon, I being the ocean. She pushed me away from evil and pulled me towards good, and I could only stare up at the sky and do nothing while she suffered. But she had so loved her people that her sacrifice had been well justified.

Sokka eventually moved on to Suki. Another sister in my eyes, we shared a lot. Her being a warrior, I being a warrior. She was happy to comply as he suggested them have a relationship. For some strange reason, he never kissed her, though. He wanted to try to take it slow, I might guess. Then, one fine day while they were gathering food, she complained about this, how their relationship was going nowhere. She apparently, from Sokka's point of view, pounced on him and backed him into a tree. Sokka pushed back, though, backing _her _into the side of the rocky base of a cliff. And, long story short, the vibrations sent a tremble up the cliff, sending a particularly lucky rock straight into Suki's forehead, killing her. I almost killed _him_, and then settled for a strong blow to the stomach.

Ty Lee was a mystery to me. Apparently she fell for Sokka faster than any other girl, but I had no clue why he returned the favor! She was Fire Nation, for Yue's sake! But of course, Sokka, feeling hurt, had to seek out some girl to comfort him. Stupid Sokka.

He became involved with her after Azula had betrayed Mai and Ty Lee. Mai had an idea and decided to seek us out. I had my suspicions, but as soon as the shuriken were on the ground, I was content.

Ty Lee became very flirtatious, and I thought Sokka would be disgusted. If I was him, I would have turned up my nose and walked away. There was no reason why he needed to like her! In fact, though, he was happy and creepily accepted the girl. I shook my head. He would never learn. Then we were engaged in a skirmish with a Fire Nation patrol, and Ty Lee had paused before entering.

"Sokka," she said, her cute voice shaking a bit. "I just want to let you know... I kind of like you."

Then, without his permission, she kissed him in a small peck on the lips. She skipped away happily, leaving a very confused Sokka behind her. Only to not look where she was going and fall into a ravine.

So now, the only surviving girl other than me, had her terrified, unseeing eyes peering up at me now.

"K-Katara?" she stuttered, shaking. "What am I supposed to do?"

I stroked her back in an unthinking, motherly fashion.

_Not Toph!_ was all I could think. I couldn't bear to have the last girl in our group other than me die!

"I don't know, Toph. I don't know."

.::.

MEANWHILE

.::.

Up in the sky in a particularly fluffy could, the Warrior Spirit stepped away from the edge. "Poor Toph."

The Moon and Warrior Spirit sighed in unison. "I wish that there was some way I could kiss Sokka again," Yue said mopily.

"You would probably get killed...again," Suki said, laughing without any humor.

They looked away from each other, and Suki slowly spoke. "I wish there was some way we could help her..."

"Are you kidding?" the Circus Spirit half-shrieked, waking up quickly from her half-doze. "Why the heck should we help her? Wasn't Sokka yours first?" she said, nodding at Suki. "Then he was yours!" she shouted at Yue. "Then he was mine! He's OURS! Why should we have some blind freak take him away from us?"

"Because we can't be with him anymore!" Yue shouted, usually calm and collected. "Can't you see that! Our relationship with him is over!"

"It isn't Toph's fault! We all fell for him too!" Suki added.

"And we paid the price!" argued Ty Lee. "She should too! Everyone has to pay the price!"

"Ty Lee," Yue said, talking slowly and emphasizing each word, "we cannot afford another life to be lost to his kiss of death. Have sympathy for those under your control. Sokka still loves us all, and he will never forget us. Isn't that enough? To see him happy, it makes me happy, and I'm sure he would say the same for me."

Ty Lee sighed, and shook her head in defeat. "Okay," she said, her cute voice trembling. "I see. I'm sorry. I will help in any way I can."

Suki looked between the two, and then spoke of the plan she was forming. "To keep Toph away from his harmful lips of death, we will have to have all the luck that we can afford. None of us is the Luck Spirit, so someone must seek him out."

"I'll do it!" Ty Lee said, cartwheeling away.

"Then, with his help, we'll either keep Toph away from his kiss, or end the curse completely," Suki finished.

"I wonder if Sokka even knows about his strange curse," Yue mused.

"At least Katara must," Suki replied. "She should have the brains to figure it out." Then they both turned back to the edge of the cloud.

"Until Ty Lee gets back, we both have to do what we can."

.::.

"I just don't know what to do!" Katara cried, sitting across from Aang in their tent. "She is _so_ going to die! It happened to all the other girlfriends that Sokka had! I just don't want her to go! I know she can't really control her feelings, but-"

"Shhh," Aang soothed, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. "It's going to be okay."

"It's not!" Katara defied. "She is going to end up dead! I can't believe-"

He cut her off with a smooth and quick, reassuring peck on her lips. She became silent.

"Everything is going to be okay," Aang stated. "We just need to keep our heads. If we ever need help, the spirits will assist. I can feel it."

"Okay," Katara whispered, leaning into his chest.

_Everything is going to be okay._

_.::.  
_

Thanks for reading!

~MOMO


	2. Confrontations

Hi again! I decided to update at least two of my stories... so ... Here you go!

Disclaimer: You all know the drill...

.::.

"Whoa, it's sure dark around here," Ty Lee mused, prancing through a dimmer part of the spirit world. A couple of minutes ago, she had asked an older spirit where to find the Luck spirit. He had pointed into the area where she was now searching, so she had flipped merrily into the dark forest of weeds.

"Sui Ka!" she called into the forest. "Sui Ka! I need your help!" She grabbed a fistful of the weeds and parted them, searching further.

"I am here," a deep voice called back.

"Sui Ka? Where are you?" she turned just in time to see a metallic object step out of the shadows.

"You needed my help?"

.::.

"I just don't know what to do!" Toph confessed to the couple in the tent. "I _really really, **really **_like Sokka, but how can we have a relationship if we can't kiss?"

"I... don't know," Aang admitted, glancing sideways at Katara. "Just settle for hugs?"

"Yeah, sure," Toph said sarcastically. "Every married couple only _hugs _each other."

"What if... you met someone else than Sokka? If we introduced you to someone else and you liked _him _instead?" Katara offered. Toph shook her head.

"Nah. I just _really _want to work this out. 'Cuz if no one gets Sokka, then he's probably going to become gay or something," Toph said bluntly. "And then he'll probably kill Aang." Katara shuddered.

"Please don't say stuff like that," she said.

"Sorry," Toph apologized, although she didn't sound sorry at all. "I'm just really upset."

"It's okay," Katara said. "I'm upset, too."

"If we could only keep Toph on her toes every time that they kiss... you know, keep an eye on them? If we see any approaching danger, We can avert it!" Aang suggested.

"Sounds good," Toph said. "Twinkletoes can watch the skies for any falling meteors, and Sugar Queen can watch for any huge fish waiting to swallow me up. I can listen for any threatening vibrations, too."

"So we're set," Katara said. "We'll all keep watch!"

"And if I'm safe, then you two can 'secretly' make out in the tree you're watching in," Toph said, grinning. Aang and Katara blushed furiously.

"Wha-?"

"What are you-?"

"Are you saying?"

"What do you mean?"

Toph cackled evily. "See you guys later!" She stood up and jauntily pranced out of the tent, leaving the couple blushing furiously behind her.

.::.

Aang and Katara took their positions in a tree, high above the ground. They watched as Toph approached Sokka. They held their breath.

"Sokka?" Toph began.

"Hmm?" Sokka said.

"Uh..." Toph said, blushing. "I wanted to... talk to you about... something."

.::.

"CRAP!" Yue shouted. "NO! DON'T DO IT TOPH!" She waved her hands around frantically in the air, although she knew very well that Toph wouldn't see or hear her.

"Oh no," Suki said desperately. "Ty Lee hasn't returned with Sui Ka yet! She is SOOO doomed."

"Maybe not," Yue said, tapping her finger to her cheek. "Aang and Katara said they would watch out for her. Why not us?"

"That's a pretty good idea. I can give Aang and Katara the strength to stop any danger," Suki said, lifting her fingers.

"And I can make their waterbending one thousand times more powerful!" Yue said, raising her hands.

"They can do this," Suki whispered. "I know they can."

.::.

"Sokka, this is really hard to say, but..." Toph gulped. "I kind of... kind of... like... you..."

Sokka stood there, frozen. "You... like me? Are... you... kidding?"

"No," Toph said, gaining courage suddenly. "I really like you, Sokka. I like you because... well... though it may not seem like it all the time, I like you. Even though I may punch you and insult you daily, it's because... well... I'm thirteen! I don't know how to handle things like this. I never really thought about it before, but I didn't know what was happening to me. I started being... happy... whenever I saw you. It was... all of a sudden, but if you don't feel the same way about me that I do you, then I hope you understand that-"

He cut off her huge blurt of a confession with his finger on her lips.

"Toph," he said. "People may talk about this... I mean, I'm sixteen! You're only thirteen..."

"I'm sorry," Toph mumbled, her face falling.

"NO!" Katara whispered. "I thought for _sure _he liked her!"

"But, I don't care what people will say. I like you, too," Sokka finished.

"What?" Toph said, lifting her head. "You really like me?"

"Yes," Sokka said. Toph smiled.

"That's good," she said, punching him in the arm. "Otherwise, if you didn't, you'd be a heap on the floor right now."

"Hey!" Sokka said. "So I didn't really have a choice in the first place?"

"Nope!" Toph said, reaching up on her tiptoes to give him a peck on the lips.

Katara and Aang tensed for the disaster to come.

Sadly, none of them knew how random it would be.

.::.

A/N: I hope this chapter will be okay for now! Please review! :)


	3. The Misfortune!

Man... I haven't updated anything in quite a while... Well, again, sorry for making everyone wait...

Disclaimer: You know the drill...

.::.

A cute, furry little brown vole wandered through the fresh, crisp grass. His little feet pawed through the grass, making a _scuffa-scuffa_ sound as he made his way through the grass. Sniffing around for a crunchy bug to eat, instead he bumped into a milky-white, fleshy but taut ankle. Not thinking, the little vole sank his starving teeth into the unsuspecting girl's ankle...

"OW!" Toph screamed, jumping at least three feet into the air, grasping her bleeding ankle while a freaked-out Sokka ran to grab some cloth to dress the wound. "How in the name of hell could I have not sensed that vole?"

.::.

"Crap!" Yue shouted angrily. "How the heck did we not think of animal bites?"

Suki lowered her head in frustration. "That was the most utterly retarded, idiotic, fragga-bragga-snot-nosed-pig-brained-monkey-butted-sheep-headed-"

"Uh, Suki?" Yue said awkwardly. "What are you saying...?"

Suki turned red and coughed. "Heheh, sorry." Yue smiled and turned back to the edge of the cloud, taking a sip of water (yes, spirits need to be hydrated, you know!).

"That was as idiotic as hell," Suki amended. Yue spat out the water and collapsed into a fit of coughing.

.::.

Back on the ground...

.::.

"Toph! Toph are you okay?" Sokka asked, slightly scared and freaked out at the same time. "A vole-"

"HELL YES I ALREADY KNOW THAT A VOLE BIT ME AND I HAVE ALREADY BLASTED THAT THING INTO NEXT SATURDAY!" Toph yelled furiously, clutching her ankle as if she let go, it would fall off.

"You hurt a vole?" Aang said concernedly, peeking his head into the tent. "How could you be so cruel to such an i-"

"-DIOTIC, IMBECILIC, DERANGED LITTLE ANIMAL, YOU ASK? WELL FOR ONE THING, MR. TWINKLETOES, THAT FREAKING MOLE FREAKING BIT MY FREAKING ANKLE!" Toph shrieked, gripping her ankle even tighter. A thump about thirty feet away signaled the vole's reunion with the ground.

Aang backed away slowly and out of the tent.

.::.

"I have found Sui Ka," Ty Lee said gently, pulling a metallic bird along with her.

"That's Sui Ka?" Suki asked disbelievingly.

"Yes, I am Sui Ka," the small bird chirped, a sharp, steely edge quite in contrast to its small, sticatto voice. "I have heard that you have been having strange problems with luck?"

"Yes, Sui Ka," Yue confirmed. "Whenever someone kisses that boy down there," she said, pointing to Sokka over the side of the cloud, "they die."

"Ah, yes. The 'kiss of death', it is called. Few people in the world have this unfortunate gift, and it cannot be taken away," Sui Ka said gravely.

"It... cannot... be... taken... away?" Suki said slowly.

.::.

Yeah, it was short. :( Sorry... well, at least you know what happened!

MEH. I'm just going through all my fics and redoing and revising a lot of things so that there's more detail and the story runs more smoothly. Updates are not likely, however... Once POI is finished then I'll finish these too! :3

-Momo


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